


Remember Me When I'm Gone

by deardracula



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-09
Updated: 2013-10-09
Packaged: 2017-12-28 23:15:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/998076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deardracula/pseuds/deardracula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn't find the words to tell Sirius to just stop talking and bloody think for three seconds because he was looking at him like he was so broken and the words Regulus' brain had formed into a sentence caught in his throat pathetically and scattered like roaches from light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember Me When I'm Gone

“Sirius, you're being stupid.” Regulus' hands hung limply by his sides as he watched his brother storm around his room, throwing things in his trunk in a blind fit of rage. “You don't need to act so rashly.”

  
Sirius raised his eyes slowly. They sat deeply in his skull, as gray and disturbed as Regulus had ever seen them. He stopped suddenly, stepping towards him, his hair falling away from his face purposefully to reveal a bruise blooming across his cheekbone. “Tell me what you think I should do then, Regulus. You want me to bend over for them?”

  
“You could stop being so insufferable, Sirius. You don't even have half a mind to listen to anything they have to say-”

  
“As soon as they have something worth listening to, I'll be all ears.” Regulus' mouth fell into a tight seam as Sirius turned away in a huff, his hair falling into his eyes like a dark vial. He watched his brother pack away his three favourite shirts and a worn pair of jeans, leaving room for his school robes and some books, if he could manage.

  
“Where are you going to go? You don't have any money.” Regulus stepped up to him, his arm stretched towards the silhouette of his brother uselessly.

  
“Maybe I'll go to James', just until I find work. Then I'll get a flat somewhere or something.” His voice trailed off as he looked down at his fully packed trunk.

  
His shoulders were collapsing in on themselves like rope was binding them painfully as his head hung. Regulus' recognized his own t-shirt – thin cotton pulled taught across the length of Sirius' back – under the pads of his fingers as he tugged childishly at the sleeve. He looked miserable. Sick and weather like he was fifty years older than he should be. His cheeks were sunken, his skin was colorless and painfully premature strains of silver caught in the moon light as they tried to hide among the black. “You could stay, you really could,” he ducked his head into Sirius' line of sight. “I don't-I don't know what I'm going to do without you here.” Sirius looked up at him, his eyelids half-mast.

  
“You could always-” Regulus cut him off with a mournful shake of his head, moving around to face him and knot his fists in the front of his shirt.

  
“You know I can't. I'm not like you. I just wish you'd stay. For me.” He shook him softly, keeping his eyes locked on his pale fists balled in the dark green fabric.

  
“I can't live with people who hate me and want to brainwash me into doing what they want for them. And you shouldn't either! Why can't you just open your bloody eyes and see that?” He closed his hands above Regulus' elbows and pulled him closer. “If you stay here, you're just feeding into the system, Regulus.”

  
“Please.” He scoffed and tried to turn away before Sirius pulled him back towards with a hand at the base of his skull.

  
“Leaving would be so easy. They can't do anything to you.” Sirius' eyes were wide and pleading behind his fringe and Regulus searched them for some hint of reassurance that he actually knew what he was talking about and had a plan for the moment he walked out their front door. But of course he didn't because how could he? All he found was panic and desperation in the deep cavities of his pupils and it sent cold ribbons threading between his ribs and knotting along his spine like a feeling he couldn't place. Didn't even want to think about it really, didn't want to think about anything. He just wished none of it was happening and his parents would stop or Sirius would stop and everything would stay the same. He never thought things through, and maybe that’s what was making Regulus feel so helpless. He never looked ahead for ten fucking minutes to think that maybe the thing he was so keen on doing was actually a terrible plan, like communism: brilliant on paper but in the end everyone is dead and lost and someone else has to come in and clean up your damn mess.

  
But he couldn't find the words to tell Sirius to just stop talking and bloody think for three seconds because he was looking at him like he was so broken and the words Regulus' brain had formed into a sentence caught in his throat pathetically and scattered like roaches from light. He opened his mouth like he knew what he wanted to say but closed it almost suddenly, getting caught in the swirling colors darkening around Sirius' eye.

  
“Sirius?” He wasn't sure why he said it or what it was supposed to mean, but his fingers flattened against his brother's chest as Sirius caught his chin with the hook of his hand and he could see something fall out of place behind those endless gray pools. “Sirius.” He said more sternly, pushing him away, but just so. Sirius' eyelids were drooping like they wanted to close, but kept a firm lock on the identical set in front of him. Regulus didn't know what to do. Should he push harder? Pull him closer? It could very well be the last time they ever had a regular conversation and maybe the last time he could ever properly look him in the eyes. He didn't have time to make up his mind though because Sirius pressed his lips to the corner of his like he hadn't made up his mind whether he was going for the cheek or the mouth.

  
Regulus made a surprised noise in the back of his throat and his eyes stayed wide. Sirius' stupid-long eyelashes brushing against his cheeks were too close, blurry and unfamiliar. He felt an arm wrap around his waist and then the heat of Sirius’ body against his own from knee to chest. Regulus shook his head, their noses knocking as he turned away. Sirius rocked his forehead against his temple. “Come with me,” he could barely hear him, even with his mouth right next to his ear, “come on.” He could feel him smiling against the side of his face and the pounding of his heart beneath his fingers.

  
“Maybe.” He swallowed hard, knitting his eyebrows together. “Maybe if you knew what you were doing.”

  
“We could figure it out. We could figure it all out together,” fists closed around his belt at the small of his back. “Just give me a chance.”

  
Regulus wanted to shake his head. He wanted to run but he couldn't because at that moment, he didn't want to be anything like his brother. Sirius was the runner, not him. "I use to look up to you." His voice cracked miserably.

  
“Don’t.”

  
“But all you do anymore is give me reasons not to.”

  
“Regulus.” There were hands pawing at the sides of his face and Sirius’ forehead against his. His heart was pulsing on his tongue as they shared hot, jagged breath between parted lips. "Don't, just. Not that. Don't say that. I need you to believe in me. You of all people have to believe in me." What was he supposed to say to that? There was absolutely nothing he could say or do to make this situation any less horrible and sometimes he thought Sirius just said those things to make him feel terrible.

  
He couldn't remember when their voices had fallen to whispers or when the feeling of his brother's fingers ghosting over the dimples in his back had become something he wasn't afraid of, but he was leaning in without thinking about it and Sirius was letting him like it was the most natural thing in the world.

  
Sirius' lips were hesitant, unsure and trembling, his hands impossibly heavy on Regulus' bare back. The obscene smack of their mouths echoed in Sirius' still bedroom and it kept Regulus grounded in some weird, twisted way he couldn't even explain to himself.

  
His skin pricked as Sirius' moved his hands from his back to seal them around his face; his palms callused, pulsing heat as his figures curled around the curve at the base of his skull. He lifted his chin, lips falling open and fists closing around Sirius' wrists.

  
With a pitiful murmur, Sirius broke away and buried his face in the hallow of Regulus' neck, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close like he was trying to step right into his skin and melt away into the spaces between his ribs, making a home behind his lungs.

  
Regulus wanted to be more than this. Knows he can be more than this. He had always known there was more to life than being broken, jagged pieces of his brother's shadow. But Sirius was slipping away, chasing the morning light in hopes of never returning to their childhood home, so he bit and licked his way into his mouth, his hands fisted in defiantly long hair.

  
He let himself be walked backwards into the wall, Sirius breathing hotly on his neck, licking a bruise into his skin. There was a knee between his legs, hands ripping at the buttons of his shirt and the smell of Sirius everywhere. It made him feel dizzy, vindicate, and he was positive it would never wash out of his skin as long as he lived.

  
His shoulder blades poked sharply at the wall, the distinct rustle of hair and fabric against paper broke the repetition as he slid along a poster Sirius had hung up months ago. His breathing was labored as Sirius worked the flesh under his jaw between his teeth, pale and smooth, too young to be burdened with the sharp brush of hair. “Feels so good.” His breath caught in his throat and his eyes clamped shut while Sirius peeled off his shirt and tossed it into the darkness.

  
Sirius was rutting up against his hip and he was fucking himself down against the thick coil of his brother’s thigh while the wiring in his head fell out of place, catching fire and igniting something in his chest. There was someone else’s tongue in his mouth for the first time in his life and it was his brother's. God, it was Sirius', and he knew he should be scared or disgusted but he couldn't remember why.

  
He felt the button of his jeans being thumbed open as Sirius pulled back, the few inches he had over Regulus seemed towering as he pinned him against the wall and looked down at him, a smirk cut into his face. He sank to his knees and Regulus shook his head. “Wait.” His voice broke like a kid and his face colored brightly. Sirius looked up at him with raised brows while he nosed along his navel and the curve of his belly. “Sirius,” he swallowed heavily, “you don’t have to.”

  
“It’s okay,” He hummed into Regulus’ skin, “I've got you.” His trousers fell off his slender hips, pooling around his ankles as Sirius ran a finger under the waistband of his pants until the swollen head of his cock was poking out from under the elastic, bright pink against stark white. Sirius tongue poked out between his lips to wet them and Regulus' knees turned to liquid as he squirmed under his dark gaze, his blush creeping down his neck, his lip between his teeth. Sirius bit at the skin stretched over the sharp angle of his hip, licking the abused spot with a flat tongue.

  
Regulus' skin between Sirius' teeth was turning black and bruised, marks embedded in his flesh that would last long after Sirius left. “Don't want to leave you,” he babbled, his eyes falling shut and hands locking around his brother's skinny thighs. “Want you to come with me, baby... want us to run away.”

  
Regulus' head fell back and hit the wall, his hands finding their place at the base of Sirius' skull, holding him there like what was resting in his palms was glass instead of blood and bone. His mouth fell open as his pants were worked off his hips and Sirius' fingers trailed up his thighs and resting on the swell of his ass. His cock was coloured with blood, stiffly resting against his belly, his balls tight and his pupils endless explosions behind his heavy lids.

  
He felt the hot press of Sirius' tongue to his head and his fingers curled in the black hair that was so similar to his own. He closed his eyes and pretended nothing was changing. Pretended that a chuck of his soul wasn't about to be violently ripped out of his chest and taken with Sirius wherever he ended up.

  
He cried out wordlessly as his cock brushed the back of Sirius' fluttering throat as he came, hot spunk pulsing down Sirius' throat He looked at him, his eyes dark and the muscles in his abdomen humming warmly as he watched saliva string between Sirius' swollen mouth and his length. He licked at the thick liquid running down his chin, tacky and white and impossibly hot. He wanted to cry and scream and kick Sirius fucking skull in but he was looking up at him with wide eyes roaring with the glimmer of a childhood he never had and he couldn't. Couldn't do anything but thumb at his parted lips softly and beg. “Please don't leave me.”


End file.
